KIRK KIRK KIRK SAHUR
the plank that walks β’ the man that debates β’ $TRIPLEK
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β² tap him to summon clones β²
scroll for the lore βthe plank that walks β’ the man that debates β’ $TRIPLEK
β² tap him to summon clones β²
scroll for the lore βCarved from one sacred plank at exactly 3:00 AM, he walks the dorms to wake the youth β not for breakfast, but for debate. Say his name three times into the dark β KIRK, KIRK, KIRK β and SAHUR arrives at the foot of your bed. With the paddle. With the facts.
It is not a weapon. It is a podium. Carved from the same oak as his torso, KIRK KIRK KIRK SAHUR has never set it down β because you can't lose a debate while holding a paddle this big. They have never been apart. They never will be.
"Prove me wrong," says KIRK KIRK KIRK SAHUR, and nobody ever can β because the plank does not actually listen. Facts don't care about your feelings; lumber doesn't care about your facts. He simply lumbers toward you, slowly, undefeated, forever.
When the final alarm rings unanswered, KIRK KIRK KIRK SAHUR shall splinter into a thousand smaller planks, and each shall wheel out its own tiny folding table and its own tiny paddle. Click him to begin the splintering.
he wheeled the folding table onto your campus at 3 AM. the sign is up. the line is forming. type your hottest take β the plank has never lost a debate, because the plank does not have ears.
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press the button. feed the rot.